This situation sounds really stressful for you- I don’t think I would be able to handle it at all. I think you’re a very strong person for being able to do it! 

I know that long distance relationships are hard. Anything I can think of to tell you- skype calls, sending letters, sexting- are things you have probably already thought of and won’t really help the distance thing. The best thing you can do is look forward to the future when you two can be together! Being optimistic about the future, as hard as it is, will honestly make the present so much easier. Give yourself something to look forward to.

As far as finances go, perhaps instead of buying little things that make you happy now, maybe save up whatever extra money you have for something really amazing in the future, such as a vacation or a tattoo. Being frugal with money is crucial these days- but it’s easier than you might think. Look for any coupons you can find in newspapers, magazines, online, or even in grocery stores. Also, if you buy your groceries at wal-mart, they will meet the sale price of any item as long as you being in the other store’s flyer. This can be especially helpful for incidentals. Also, talk to somebody who knows about taxes to see if you’re entitled to any refunds. 

Balancing work, school, and a social life is probably one of the hardest things you can do. And while school and work are extremely important things, they are not the most important things. It is more than okay to take a day for yourself. Go on a long hike, meditate, read your favourite book again. Watch a marathon of a great show and get involved with the online fanbase.

Above all else, realize that you don’t have to be happy all the time.

I hope that things become easier for you soon.

- Jess

-c- I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong? I guess I should say? I’ve tried to watch porn, but it makes me really uncomfortable still at this point. Is there anything I should do to try and relax/make it a more enjoyable experience? What kind of “environment” should I be trying to do this in?

Hi! I know it’s difficult to learn to love yourself, whether it’s an emotional love or a sexual love. And I’m really proud of you for being able to embrace your physical needs! Not everybody can do that. 

For starters, you’re going to want to be in a really calm and quiet environment. Wait until the people you live with are either asleep or out of the house. Just close your eyes and try to ignore any thoughts you might have, because they’ll interrupt you and make you feel awkward about what you’re doing. For you to really judge what feels good and what doesn’t, you are going to want a clear mind. You might want to try doing this in the bath, which is an already relaxing environment. Think about things that you think might make you aroused. I’m sure that with a little exploration and persistence, you can learn what works for you. 

Also, there is absolutely no reason to feel guilt or shame about what you are doing! Not to sound like a health teacher, but masturbating is normal, and it’s actually the first step into being a sexually active person. Before anybody else can please you, you have to know how to please yourself! 

Best of luck, 

- Jess

Oh boy, formals are always an exciting time for anyone. I remember my prom. Actually, I went stag and just hung out with my friends all night, and it was a lot of fun because I got to dance with like a million people. Well, I could have danced with a million people, but my anxiety got the better of me and I was miserable all night. But enough about me- the point is, you really shouldn’t feel like you HAVE to go with a date to have fun, because that’s not true at all.

If you want to go with your guy friends, just be straight up about it and ask them. It won’t be weird, and thinking that it will be is what’s messing you up. Just be casual, “Hey guys, let’s go to the Down Under Didgeridoo Dance together, since none of us have dates.”

Sorry if that was a little offensive, I’m just trying to make you laugh. 

Anyway, good luck and have a great time at your formal!

- Jess

I guarantee there are more reasons to live. Please talk to me.

I definitely know how scary this situation can be. Your friend is lucky to have somebody like you that cares so much about her- it seems like she really needs that right now.

Your friend is probably feeling scared, confused, and really upset right now. She probably feels like she has no other outlet for her emotions, or perhaps that she needs to regain control of something in her life. I could be totally off and there could be many different reasons as to why she may feel the need to do this to herself, but it is best not to jump to conclusions. Everybody has their reasons. And I can guarantee you that self harm is not about the cuts themselves, it’s not about the burns or the bite marks or the welts. 

At this point, I would say that it’s best not to approach her about it. She is probably feeing very ashamed of herself for resorting to such behaviour. She just needs a friend to be there for her, so let her know that you ARE there whenever she needs you. Perhaps tell her about a problem that you’re having, something you haven’t told anybody else. Make her feel like she is helping you with something- this will make it easier for her to come to you with problems in the future. You’ll build up a trust with her. Remind her that she is a really valuable person to you, that there is nobody else in the world like her. 

In all honesty, she needs you to be brave for her. If you really want to help her, wait for her to ask for help. In the mean time, make an effort to hang out with her more, talk to her on a regular basis, and make her feel like a really important human being. 

I wish you two the best of luck. It’s not going to be easy for either of you, but I know that with patience, courage, and strength, it will get better.

Feel free to come back and talk any time,

- Jess <3

Hi there, I’m so sorry to hear about your struggle with your parents. Coming out isn’t easy for anybody, no matter how “accepting” their parents may be- but it can be especially difficult when you feel blatantly ignored and repressed. It’s totally unfair to you, and invalidates your feelings, and you deserve better than that.

First of all, good for you for standing your ground about your girlfriend! I think you need to continue to do that. When your parents refer to her as your boyfriend, you need to correct them. They will never, ever learn the difference between acceptance and tolerance if you enable them to behave inappropriately. You need to tell them that whether or not they approve of your lovelife, they need to respect the woman that you are with and your relationship with her, because they aren’t going to change the person that you are. The person that God made you to be. 

I get that talking about your sexuality isn’t easy, especially with parents that don’t exactly have the same beliefs as you. But it will only get more difficult if you continue to not talk about it. Perhaps try to talk about it more with other people- such as in a support group (I’m not sure how old you are, but there are plenty of teen groups for LGBT youth), or even just with another person you know that’s going through the same thing. Practicing this will only empower you to be able to express how you feel to your parents and to others better in the future. It may seem silly right now, but I’m speaking from experience- if I didn’t have my school’s GSA to talk openly about my sexuality, and to make jokes about it- I don’t think I would be able to talk about it with people the way that I can today. 

In short, you need to stand up for yourself, for your relationship, and for your respect as a human being. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. 

Good luck, and I would love it if you kept me updated on this matter. I believe in you and I love you. 

- Jess.

Listen, I completely understand where you’re coming from. But if somebody is in a relationship, don’t meddle. Be a friend and if that’s too hard, create some distance between you two. You’ll get over her eventually, I promise, because eventually we all get fed up with unrequited love. 

Best of luck, I hope all goes well for you!

Ugh, life is confusing enough without having to really think about who you are all the time. I know that this is a difficult time for you, and I think that you’re one amazing person for being so strong through this situation. 

Well, you seem to be on the right track! I mean, first of all, there aren’t just two genders. Gender is a whole big wide spectrum- beyond an explanation, might I add. There is no black and white. Yes, you have very feminine people and very masculine people, which I suppose fit into the traditional understanding of “boy” and “girl”. And then you have people that are “gender neutral”, which are typically seen as tomboyish girls and flamboyant boys. This kind of generalized thinking is very unhealthy. 

No, not many people understand this concept. Sometimes it feels a lot easier to hide behind ignorance, and since society really only presents us with two different genders to consider, most people accept that and don’t seek out further knowledge on the subject. And when people feel like they don’t necessarily fit into one of the ~two~ genders, they get super stressed out and worried… It’s so backwards. If the education were there, people would be so much more comfortable with who they are. 

My advice to you? Be whoever the hell you want to be and don’t worry about what others think. Research this topic, get to know yourself. You’ll be able to tell others more confidently, and maybe teach them something. 

You don’t need to place yourself in a box to be happy.

I really hope that I helped you, and PLEASE do not hesitate to message me again if you want to talk. Good luck on your journey. :)

Hey there! I totally understand how you’re feeling- being single at a dance can seem super unappealing. Especially when everybody around you appears to have a date or a significant other. 

In all honesty, if you want a date for the dance, just go and ask somebody. The worst that they can say is no, right? If that happens, just ask somebody else. You’re bound to find somebody to be your date! This could be a great chance to get closer with a friend, or meet somebody new, or make a move on somebody that you’re interested in. But if you wait around for a guy to ask you, you’re right, it probably won’t happen. You need to take some initiative to get what you want. If you don’t put yourself out there, you won’t achieve anything!

But who says that you need a date? I guarantee that not everybody going to the dance will have one. It’s okay to just hang out with a group of friends… Actually, it can be fun. Just because you’re single at a dance doesn’t mean you have to be lonely- think of all the people you’ll be able to dance with ;). Go to this dance to have fun, not to prove something to anyone.

Have an amazing time at your formal. Make safe and smart choices. <3

Thank you so much! I realize that I’ve been inactive for a long time now and I really miss giving advice- I don’t know if I actually help people or not, but just having a place to vent can sometimes be enough. I just really want the world to be a bit more smiley.

~she doesn’t even go here~